Why yes...I see you anxiety....sneaking up on me.  It started off subtle after I had some stress at work, last week.  Then it continued gnawing at my mind.  You know....that internal voice that just keeps butting into your head. 

And before you worry Mom, everything is great!  🤪. No need to worry, everything is totally fine.   It's crazy how the overall day can go wonderfully...but still all these thoughts can exhaust you. 

You tell yourself everything is fine...and then that voice in your mind says "What if it's not."   You say...that went really well...and your mind says, "But, maybe it didn't."  You have a serious talk with someone....and then keep replaying that conversation, over in your head....oveR, and ovER, and oVER and OVER again...and the thoughts just won't stop.  You know everything went well.  They seemed happy after your talk.  Then your mind pops in...."But what if they aren't happy anymore."  And then you realize...no, that's just you that keeps dwelling on the same conversation over and over.  All the lucky people that get to have a conversation....and then it's over.  Just like that.  Not another thought about the topic.  Thanks a lot anxiety.  I've been having the same conversations in my mind for the last week and a half.  It doesn't drain the energy out of anybody else...just myself.  Why can't we turn the thoughts off.  

Nervousness....walking on eggshells.  That is what it feels like trying to connect with people when your mind keeps telling you all of the things the other person "might be thinking."  Always second guessing yourself, thinking things are worse than they are.  Everything is fine.  Really, it is.  My heart knows everything is fine...but why won't my mind believe it.  That's what relationship anxiety feels like for me.  No, not my marriage (everything is wonderful...I really lucked out with my incredible guy❤️❤️), but really just any relationship....friends, coworkers, family, myself.  Usually things are great....but when anxiety sneaks in, my mind has me second guessing everything, creating tension that no one else can see....because all the tension is happening in my own mind.  Everything is fine.  Really it is.  I tell my mind this...but for some reason it's just on a constant loop...."But....what if...."

Irritability....that another way anxiety presents itself in me.  After much thoughtful insight (and a very wonderful therapist who isn't afraid to tell it like it is)...it seems that many of the things I get irritated with, are actually not that big of a deal.  This week it was noises.  That loud, high pitched noise that just makes my skin crawl.  Kids crying, whining, constant commotion, the beeping of an alarm, the squeaking of a toy or the bouncing of a ball.  All of the things that, on a typical day, would be no big deal.  But, when anxiety come creeping in...these things drive me crazy!  Figuring out that music helps calm and center me has been helpful.  Now I just pop in my earbuds and try to detach myself from the commotion.  

Everything is great...I truly know that it is.  Now if I can just quiet my mind and turn off all these thoughts.  Yeah....that would be great!  This picture pretty much sums up what my mind has felt like this past week.