The story of our journey to an autism diagnosis officially started during my daughter's junior year of high school.  I know....that is incredibly late for an autism diagnosis!!  But, actually, what I found out through my research is that this is actually pretty common for girls with autism.....to be diagnosed later in life, sometimes even into adulthood!  As I began to dig into articles of autism in girls, my mind began to spiderweb in all different directions.  Everything I was reading described my daughter to a T!  But wait, I also saw some of these same characteristics in myself.....and members of my family.  Autism can be hereditary....had this always been our reality...and we just never noticed because everyone around us showed similar traits?  I don't know for sure...but it certainly did make me ponder some new ideas.

Now...for my daughter's specific journey.  

Like I said, this journey officially started during her junior year of high school.  But, the seed was planted about 3 years earlier through her walk with therapy.  One thing I love about the therapy that is provided by our school district, is that it entails frequent meetings between parent/therapist to discuss the progress your child is making.  During one of these parent meetings,, we were discussing the struggle that my daughter was having with common social skills and discussed the possibility of joining a social skills group.  I had been wondering about the possibility of autism being a possible explanation for these social difficulties, and her therapist agreed....that this could be a possibility.  Then..... COVID hit...the whole world came to a stand still.....and the social skills group was lost in the shuffle.  And our family just rolled with all the punches that a pandemic throws at you and continued on as best we could.  We noticed some significant concerns with our daughter's habits, but just chalked it up to the pandemic.  

Then, during her junior year, back in the school setting, the concerns with social skills and organization skills continued to grow.  Even though she was a very bright student and did well on academic testing, she was struggling a great deal to keep her grades up due to the demands of trying to keep track of assignments and due dates.  We began to be concerned about the amount of time we were having to put in as parents to help her stay on top of her grades.  This made us wonder....was our very bright daughter, actually going to be ready for college in another year?  This was a devastating thought....and makes you really question as a parent, if there was something you should have done different along the line.  During one of our parent meetings with her therapist we were discussing these concerns...and everything came to an abrupt stand still with one statement......"She may always need your support in life."  Wow....this was not something that we had ever considered, and it pretty much stopped me in my tracks.  You begin to look back on the future you had imagined for your child....and start to question whether that is actually going to be a possibility.  It was a very humbling moment.  

The story continues with a specific event that occurred a few months later, that caused us to reach out to her therapist and ask, point blank, "Are we looking at autism?....Should we reach out to her doctor for an official evaluation?"  When the answer was yes....everything came to a stand still.  I had done a lot of research on autism and I had worked with quite a few students over the years who were on the autism spectrum.  All of a sudden, everything I had ever imagined for my daughter's future changed.  All of the social quirks and difficulties with organization, that we were trying to improve/correct through therapy.....what if this is just the way she was made?  What if, instead of trying to improve/correct these traits, we were just going to have to find a way to support her and help her work around these traits so that she could still be successful in life?  I remember a lot of tears, as I came to grips with the reality, that the future that I had pictured for my daughter, was probably going to look much different than the way I had envisioned.  Not in a bad way (I still believe that she can be incredibly successful in life and achieve anything she wants), but her social habits (isolating herself, difficulty making friends, spending hours on her devices, etc.) were not actually problems that we were going to fix...but rather, these were behaviors that made her feel comfortable and happy.  I slowly began to accept that there was nothing wrong with my daughter, that the problem was really the rest of us.  We just had to accept who she was, and what made her happy.  Now, that doesn't mean she doesn't have some bad habits that she needs help and guidance to overcome so that she can be successful.  She absolutely does.  But, it does mean that her idea of interacting and socializing is going to be very different than the norms of society....and that is PERFECTLY OKAY!!!  

So, we began the process of contacting our family doctor to request an evaluation for autism.  This entire process took about 8 months (from our initial request for an evaluation...to the diagnosis) and we had to jump through many hoops with insurance to get to the end goal.  It was a frustrating journey, that was costly, but in the end we got what we needed...reassurance that our concerns were valid, and diagnosis documentation that would allow us to pursue additional supports for her in college.  I think my biggest fear, was that after all of these months of speculation and evaluation...I was going to sit at the table with the doctor and have her look at me like I was crazy, because my daughter didn't qualify and I was just being an over-reactive parent.   Thankfully, that wasn't the case, and my concerns were validated with a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, along with a list of things that will be difficult for my daughter in life, and ideas for combating these areas of difficulty.  All of a sudden, we had a plan and for that I was relieved!!

Should we pursue a diagnosis for our children and "label" them.  In our case...the answer was ABSOLUTELY!! 

Having a diagnosis helped us as parents to better understand why our daughter did certain things and helped us use better, more effective strategies to help guide her.  Instead of just telling her to "get your act together and finish your assignments" we began to realize that she needed to be taught systems of how to organize all of her work.  She was completely open and willing to try the systems that we showed her and was thankful for the support.  It helped heal some frustration in the parent/child relationship and opened up the lines of communication.  

For her, having a diagnosis was transformational.  Her first reaction when I asked her, was "it's good to know I'm not just weird....that there is a reason why I'm like this."  It gave her the confidence to accept her differences and embrace them.  She began opening up more at home and showing us her true personality.  She didn't have to "hide" her traits from us anymore....she could just be herself.  It helped her accept that there are things she struggles with that she will need guidance and support with, and she was more than willing to accept any and all help.  

My daughter's diagnosis helped me look back on my own life and wonder if some of the things that I've struggled with in life could be explained by autism.  I think to a degree, that answer is yes.  I've had struggles with communicating with people, relationships, noticing social cues, and organization...just to name a few.  Will I pursue a diagnosis to see if I am correct.  No.  My struggles are not nearly as significant or life altering as my daughters.  I've made it this far with some good coping mechanisms and I'll be just fine.  But....it does change the way I think about myself.  It helps me to accept the things that I am really good at (a post later will explain all of the wonderful attributes that come along with being autistic).  It has also helped me understand the areas where I struggle and come up with a better plan for either dealing with those areas of struggle....or just accepting that that is how I was made....and that IS OKAY!  

Autism is hereditary.  That has been proven.

Do I think that some of my friends and family are on the autism spectrum.  Absolutely!  Is that a bad thing....not in the least!  But, it does help me to understand them in a new light and explain some of the behaviors/life styles that I have been frustrated with over the years.  It helps me accept these frustrations as....just who they are, and that ultimately helps improve my relationships.  Am I going to bring up these suspicions with my friends and family....absolutely not.  Their life is their life...and it's none of my business.  But, will I be willing to have conversations with them if they initiate it....ABSOLUTELY!!  I think nothing but positive things can come from understanding yourself and others better.  I am incredibly open and LOVE to talk about these things with others.  

I see the autism community as a wonderful addition to our world who bring a whole different set of (very necessary) characteristics to our society.  Many of the jobs in our society are well suited for people on the autism spectrum.  Maybe you'll see some of yourself in this post and get a whole new understanding of who you are.....I certainly did!