Your anxiety creeps up as you overthink the situation, trying to think of every possible scenario that might come up in the conversation.  You find yourself rehearsing the conversation in your head....over...and over...and over.  For hours or even days at a time you find yourself practicing what your're going to say and how you are going to respond to different scenarios.  You feel good about the ideas that come to you...but then you get frustrated knowing there is no way you'll remember them all.  Then you think back to other conversations you've had in the past and remember how you got tongue tied and left feeling exhausted and frustrated...and you know that your not good at effectively communicating your true thoughts and ideas.  It all seems to crystal clear in your head, but then it comes out in a tangled mess and you get flustered and even more anxious.  

This has been my past week or so.  Replaying a conversation in my head, over...and over....and over....for days at a time.  As I think back to my past, I can remember a LOT of other situations where I have done the same kind of "rehearsing" in my head before an uncomfortable conversation.  It didn't dawn on me that this isn't typical until I asked my husband if he did this...and he looked at me like I was crazy.  

It's probably a little OCD mixed with a LOT of anxiety....but I realized that the main hurdle that I was afraid of was being able to effectively communicate my ideas.  

Then it got me thinking to how I help my autistic daughter "prep" for uncomfortable communication situtations by role playing and practicing what she is going to say ahead of time so she can go into the situation feeling prepared.  Then it hit me...that's exactly what I was doing with myself....role playing the situation, in my mind.  

So there you have it....just one reason, in a long line of other reasons, why I think I might fall somewhere on the autism spectrum.  Which, by the way....I see as a WONDERFUL THING!!!